im in a mentally abusive relationship with myself
Some nights are harder than others, snapping at even the littlest of things, and some nights are completely fine and to me that doesn’t make sense.. how you can tell yourself everything is completely okay one night, and be ready to cry yourself to sleep the next. To feel as if things will work themselves out, and then shortly after realize you’re close to your breaking point. Truly, this really just doesn’t make sense. While I know everything will be alright in short time, and none of these silly little thoughts even matter, I cannot stop and I can’t pretend like they don’t burden me more than they even remotely should. In perspective, there are many many people worse off and some nights knowing that almost makes me hate myself more for allowing my mind to let in such silly thoughts, but it’s almost overpowering in a way, a bit controlling if you ask me. It will be okay in the end, it will even be okay soon but I cannot keep up the roller coastered thinking during the nights, positivity battling negativity and pretend like everything is okay now. Sometimes you cannot pretend to be as strong as you would like to tell yourself you are, and I’m really trying to believe that’s okay. Even in the darkest of times there will be light, and I’m trying my best to focus on what that is.